"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
