Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
