i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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