he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
