me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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