I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
