I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
