I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
as a side note pls kill me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
