just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
