there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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