i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
