im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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