What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
