its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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