I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
