It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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