I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
