What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
