I will die if light touches me.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
