everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
