What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
