So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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