it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
