I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
