i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
