Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
