so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
