the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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