you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
