There was a lot of him and a little penis
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
