jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
