come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
