I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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