There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
