Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
