Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
