if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
