You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
