does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
