How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
