he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
