her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
