He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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