Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
