I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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