Come see our sink grown plant.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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