Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
