he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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