no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
