I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
FUCK WHALES
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